spaz monkey
by Frankenstein's Mom
Summary: It's a bunch of random one-shots. give me your ideas if you want something spacific.
1. Whatever happened its all Naruto's fault

I came up for this one because I was talking to my sis about why Sasuke acts emo and we realized that the reason Sasuke ran aw

I came up for this one because I was talking to my sis about why Sasuke acts emo and we realized that the reason Sasuke ran away was all Naruto's fault for befriending him. Hence this one-shot.

Whatever happened, it's all Naruto's fault!

Kaaaa**BOOM!**

"What did you three do now?!" Kakashi asked his team furiously.

"Naruto set of a paper-bomb," Sasuke answered calmly.

Kakashi smacked his head in annoyance. "Of corse he did," he said to himself.

"See Naruto, when Kakashi dies at a young age, it'll all be your fault!" Sakura yelled at the blond beside her.

Naruto left the training grounds and decided to go to the Ichiraku for some ramen.

Naruto was on only his second bowl of ramen when some drunk came in. He ordered a bowl and before he could take five slurps of ramen, he knocked the bowl over the edge, spilt the ramen everywhere and broke the bowl.

When questioned what happened, the drunken old man pointed to Naruto and said, "whatever happened, it was all Naruto's fault!"

"No it wasn't you drunken old fart!" Naruto yelled back at the old man.

He paid for his two bowls and left the Ichiraku infuriated.

As he was walking back to his house, he passed team eight. He went over to say 'hi' but on his way over…

Piddle-iddle-iddle

Akamaru peed on his leg. "Hey! What did you do that for?!" Naruto yelled at the small white dog.

"Naruto? What happened and why are you yelling at Akamaru?" Kiba questioned.

"Arf. Arf arf arf!" Guess.

"It was all Naruto's fault?"

"Woof!"

"How is you peeing on me my fault?!" Naruto yelled.

"Naruto, I think you should leave now," Shino said calmly.

Angry that everyone was blaming him for things he didn't do, Naruto went to the Hokage's office to see if she could do anything about it.

"I'm sorry Naruto, but people will be people and they'll blame things on you because you're not the most liked kid in the village if you haven't noticed. Either that or it's just they think they could get away with it because you're not the brightest crayon in the box either," Tsunade said attempting to comfort the blond genin.

"But that isn't fair Grandma Tsunade!" Naruto wailed.

"I know it's not Naruto, but there's nothing I can do about it unless I witness it first hand," Tsunade retorted. "Now pipe down, you're making my body ach with all your whining." As Tsunade said that, she stretched out her legs, resulting in her kicking her desk. Once her feet made contact with the desk, everything fell off of it.

Shizune, startled from the noise that just came from the office, immediately ran in to see what happened. Before her, sat a very confused Tsunade and a startled Naruto.

Shizune opened her mouth to ask what had just happened, but before any words could come out, Tsunade pointed to Naruto and said, "Whatever happened, it's all Naruto's fault!"

Naruto looked out the window, sighed and said to himself, "I should have seen that coming."


	2. Look, you're an idiot Calm down

Spaz Monkey - Ouran

Look You're an Idiot, Calm Down

_Inspired byJ. Michael Tatum (english voice of Kyouya)_

Tamaki was peacfully playing the piano... Wait, wrong story. Sorry -'

The twins, Hunny, and Mori were running around three chairs while Tamaki played a playful tune on the piano that sounded like the ice-cream man song.

After repeating it one and a half times, he stoped playing all together.

The four circling around the three chairs each dove for one. Hikaru, Hunny, and Mori all got a chair while Kaoru's butt hit the floor.

As the twins started to fight over who got to the seat first, Haruhi sighed from her seat away from it all.

Kyouya was lucky enough to miss everything prior to the fight as he just walked in.

Tamaki was quickly getting very annoyed by the arguing so he walked over to the bickering twins and tried to convince Kaoru Hikaru made it to the seat first.

"He didn't make it to the seat first! I did! Haruhi! Tell them I was first!" Kaoru called

"I'm not involved," Haruhi called back.

"You were first?! I was first fair and square! Tell them Haruhi!" Hikaru yelled.

"I just said I'm not involved," she called again.

"Haruhi make them stop arguing!" Tamaki whined.

"I'm not involved!" Haruhi yelled.

"But Haruhi..." the three whined.

"NO!"

After about three more minutes of bickering, Tamaki finally had his fill.

"Okay, we'll re-do that round and add a chair!" he yelled.

Kyouya's head came up as he looked at Tamaki with a face that said 'What the hell are you on?' Haruhi would have done the same but she wasn't involved in the insanity.

"What?" Tamaki asked.

Kyouya was silent.

"What?"

Silence.

"What? What? What? What? What?" he continued to ask growing louder each time.

Finally Kyouya cracked. "OKAY! Look! You're an idiot! Calm down!" he barked at his blond friend.

The room was silent.

"Damn," came from the one that "wasn't involved".


	3. Never like metal in the winter!

Never lick metal in the winter!

(Requested by skippy)

It started to snow and Orochimaru found himself outside with his team. They had just finished training and were all heading to get lunch.

As they walked, the thin layer of snow began to crunch beneath their feet.

They made it to the closet ramen shop and each ordered a bowl of ramen. (Duh what else are they gonna get at a ramen shop.)

Orochimaru and Tsunade waited for theirs to cool off, while Jiraiya dove right into his, resulting in burning his mouth.

On their second bowl, Jiraiya tuned to Tsunade and dared her to lick a metal pole when they left.

"No way!" Tsunade shrieked. "I could really hurt my tongue like that!"

"Oh come on!" Jiraiya retorted. "You can only hurt yourself by doing that if it's been snowing for a while. It only just started to snow! You'll be fine if you blow on it a little. Heck you don't even need to blow on it. Trust me Tsunade, you'll be fine."

"No way! When hell freezes over!"

"What? You would lick a metal pole in hell but you won't here in Konoha?" Jiraiya yelled at his teammate.

Tsunade rolled her eyes at the immaturity of the boy next to her and went back to her ramen.

Orochimaru secretly heard their whole conversation. Well not secretly because, well, hey he _was _right next to Tsunade after all.

"What about you Orochimaru?"

"What about me?" He asked.

Jiraiya looked him squarely in the eye. "You know what I'm talking about."

"Well why don't you like a pole?" Orochimaru retorted.

"Why don't you?!"

"Fine I will. I'll prove that I'm not a baby like you are."

And with that, Orochimaru stormed out of the ramen shop, to the nearest metal pole. Tsunade followed him to make sure he didn't get hurt and Jiraiya went to see what was going to happen.

Orochimaru turned around to his teammates, "Ready?" he asked.

"Yeah Oro!"

"Don't do it Orochimaru, you'll hurt yourself."

"I'll be fine. If anyone's going to get hurt, it's going to be Jiraiya's pride."

And with that, Orochimaru leaned toward the pole and licked it.

"Nothing to it." He said with his tongue still on the pole. As he tried to pull it away, it would come off. His eyes widened, a small "uh-oh" was audible to Jiraiya and Tsunade.

"Your tongue is stuck now, isn't it?" Tsunade called.

"Uh-huh."

"Wow, this is priceless!"

Tsunade elbowed him in the gut.

"I-I mean: Oh no! Orochimaru!"

Both kids rushed to his side to help. Jiraiya made it worse by trying to pull him off.

"Thop! Thop!" Orochimaru yell.

"Orochimaru, blow out your mouth. Warm up the pole."

Orochimaru did as Tsunade suggested and his tongue started to come off.

"Okay time to pull!" Jiraiya yelled as he grabbed Orochimaru's waist again.

"No! No! NO!"

As Tsunade watched, it seemed to her that Orochimaru's tongue was longer than a normal human's tongue should be. By the time his tongue was off the pole, she was certain that Jiraiya somehow stretched it by pulling Orochimaru off the pole.

And to this day, Orochimaru's tongue has not gone back to the length a normal human being's tongue is. So the moral of this story is, never like a metal pole in the winter in Konoha! No joking. The moral is never like a metal pole in the winter ever. And the same thing could happen if you lick an ice pop right after you take it out of the freezer. So be careful and never listen to an idiot like Jiraiya!


End file.
